Laying It Down & Getting Real

Coming to that place of trust. Pure. Sweet. Simple. Trust. Total trust in the only One who is truly trustworthy. It is a hard journey, but in the end it is worth all the pain.

You see, it's like this, for the past 12 1/2 years life has thrown some serious assaults at me. Some of these thing all of us have had to go through: natural disasters, man-made disasters, recession.

In addition to multiple hurricanes, BP Oil spill, and loss of income, I've lost both my Mom (2004) and my Dad (2014) to cancer. Even my 14 year old dog, my heart and only roommate since 2001, had to be put to sleep in 2007 due to cancer.

That's another thing, being alone. The decades keep passing, and yet I'm still single, desiring children. The emotional turmoil can cut deep.

Add to this people apparently seem to need to tell me what is wrong with me. What's up with that? Society seems to have gotten much more opinionated and critical (ironic since society also is demanding tolerance more and more). I get that I'm not everyone's cup of tea. I'm an introvert and  straight-up truthful. I've learned to keep my opinions mostly to myself, but haven't learned the artful act of 'politely lying'. I hate lying and I'm not any good at it. I've asked Daddy G-D to change me into an optimist--seeing good within any given situation.

So to sum up: Career tanking, Parents and "Babygirl" gone, Bank Account $0 at times, Fighting verbal abuse & insecurities, and Unfilled dreams

How do I combat all this? Lay down and give up? Believe me, I've thought about it!

My first line of defense as a born-again Charismatic Christian is to battle as I have been taught. Yes, we Charismatics love to go to war! We lift up our request to Daddy G-D, with a truly thankful heart. We find G-D's promises within His Word (Holy Bible) and we declare it! Decree it! Stand on it! We rebuke the kingdom of darkness, cast out demons, tear down strongholds, and bind evil from operating in the situation.

What do you do when the answers don't come? Trust G-D. Yeah, right. No, I have an emotional meltdown. Oh, at first I continued to stand in faith. The first few years were not too hard. Yes, even when my Mom lost her battle with cancer. I love her and it did hurt--the tearing away of the person who always had my back and took care of me even when I didn't want her to get involved. But I held on to my faith in G-D's Word. Like a pit bull on a ham bone, I became tenacious.

I sought G-D's ways for my finances, and kept praying for my family situation.

The fire intensified.

By 2011 most of the fight had gone out of me. I was tired, and by now my Dad was battling cancer too. My line of defense simply became, "L-RD, please restore my Dad back to me. Please don't leave me here alone." Fear of being alone, poor or even homeless, and not safe ruled my thoughts.

What do you do when you've done everything you know to do and prayers still are not answered?

Like I said earlier, I had an emotional meltdown...to the point of desiring non-existence. Yes, that's right. Visions of running a knife over my throat bombarded me. All the while, I'm going to school and not saying a word. I'm going to church, lifting my hands in sincere praise to my King, and not saying a word. Except for talking briefly with two friends (and praise G-D that there were those two), I kept silent. I kept putting one foot in front of the other, and kept hoping for release from the pain of hopelessness. I have now known the pain of wanting so desperately for the pain to stop that the mental image of blood flowing down my neck seemed like such a sweet release.

Daddy G-D is so amazing! Not only did He keep me from doing something that would not solve my problems, but He revealed a portion of the depth of His love for me.

I know that the sin of murder has been forgiven. I have entered into this forgiveness by G-D's grace through faith in His Beloved Son, Jesus. I had no fear of going to hell because I am sure of this forgiveness. That's a dangerous place for a person in pain to be. He showed me an image of Himself standing with His arms wide open, waiting to embrace me, and that yes, my sins have been fully wiped out by the sacrifice of my Lord and Savior Jesus, the Messiah of the world. All that He has for me is unconditional love. Love so overpowering I knew I couldn't quit on Him.

It was that image--that image of His arms wide open, and of His immense love for me--that stopped me in my tracks. I knew at that moment that He so totally and completely loves me, and that He's not disappointed in me or in what I do because He understands. I put away thoughts of escaping, not because of fear of hell, but because I would have been disappointed in myself for quitting on His plans for my life.

Because He understands. That knowledge is like the soothing balm of Gilead. Sweet smelling. Comforting. When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemane He was fighting against darkness. So much more was happening than what is seen on the surface of reading the text. Our depression, our feelings of worthlessness, abandonment, shame, and even our thoughts of suicide were being transferred over onto Him. Yet, in the midst of all of this, He was obedient. Winning our victory! Not my will, but Yours, Daddy G-D, be done.

So began my faith's road to recovery. Losing faith in G-D is the bottom of the pit. When you don't have faith in the One who created you, what else is left? The thing I've learned is that I had a strong faith in the Word of G-D, and some faith in faith, but I had little faith in Daddy G-D Himself. I didn't really know Him. Oh I knew from His Word that He is faithful and trustworthy. It was His Word that kept me holding onto Him and crying out for Him to deliver me.

What do I do now that things still are not as I had hoped? I trust Him. Yes, I trust Him. It was a long, hard road getting to this place, but I trust Him. Whatever may happen, I look to Him. And trust Him. He is trustworthy. He is strong, steadfast, unwavering. He is my all in all. He is my King. He is my Lord. He is my G-D. I belong to Him, and He can choose to do with my life as He chooses. My will is broken. His will is true, and He has a good plan for me. I may not know what He will do in answer to my prayers, but I know I can trust Him. I am even getting to the place where I don't need to know, because I trust Him. Here's a song to sum it up...

♫ Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see

♪ I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You! ♪♪♪

♪ Truth is, You know what tomorrow brings
There’s not a day ahead You have not seen
So, in all things be my life and breath
I want what You want Lord and nothing less

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You! ♪♪♪

♫ You are my strength and comfort
You are my steady hand
You are my firm foundation; the rock on which I stand

♫ Your ways are always higher
Your plans are always good
There’s not a place where I’ll go, You’ve not already stood

When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You! ♪♪♪

I will trust in You!
I will trust in You!
I will trust in You! 

~Lauren Daigle, Trust In You

Birthdays and Valentine’s

Hi! I know it’s been awhile since our paths have crossed. I’m glad to have bumped into you today. My day today is a hard day on this journey to destiny. I’m sandwiched between yet another birthday and St. Valentine’s Day, both of which are emotional for me since I’m ‘still single.’ It’s not that I think being single is a bad thing. No, there are a lot of pluses to being single. My time is my own. I am responsible only for myself. To a degree. We are all responsible to each other since we share this place called ‘life.’ But as for the daily needs, I’m on my own.

 

Well, if being single isn’t the problem, what is this heaviness I feel on my heart? I miss him. Yep, that’s right. I miss him. You see, I have been praying for that special man, whoever he may be, for over 17 years now. Yes, you may think I am crazy, but I gave the selection of my husband over to my L-RD, and I trust Him to work everything out. Oh, there have been many times I have tried to work it out myself, but that just doesn’t work! And so I keep turning the desire over to my L-RD…and wait. The waiting is the hardest, because, you see, most days I know he’s real. I know the L-RD is the One who gives us, His children,   the desires of our hearts. To me this means not only that He gives us what we want, but when submitted to Him, He places desires within our hearts. I’ve definitely given this desire over to the L-RD. Several times in fact. I’ve tried killing him (the husband) off even. More than once! But my L-RD keeps resurrecting him. The desire for him. That’s why he’s become so real to me.

And so, another birthday has come and gone. I’m 44 now, and have never been married. You do know that L-RD, right? That I’m 44, and birthing babies doesn’t come easy to women my age. That’s another desire that has been place upon my heart to have children, both natural and adopted. Therefore I wait. And pray. And follow the signs that the L-RD, in His compassion, has put upon my path, pointing me in the direction that I must follow in order to intersect with that special someone. The one my heart is drawn towards.
 

So, my love, whoever you may be, I send you this Valentine, an excerpt taken from a song by Mandisa and Chris August titled ‘Praying for You’…

 

I wonder if you think of me…like I think of you.

Do you long for my touch?

Baby, I know that you’ll be the one that’s strong,

When I am weak.

I’ll love you through the good and the bad,

For rich or for poor.

May not have much, but this I’m sure:

‘til my dream comes true,

I’ll be praying for you…

Oh, I wonder what’s in store for me,

Who you’re gonna be.

Have you ever passed me by?

But for now, I’m waiting…

Anticipating

 I’ll be praying that you will fear the L-RD.

I’ll pray we’ll be on one accord,

That G-D will bless everything we do.

I pray that He will shield your heart,

That we will not be torn apart,

And side by side in Jesus’ name we’ll stand.

But for now we’re waiting…
 

Anticipating!

 

 

Tidbits of Tidbits

On our journey to that place of joy, that place of child-like dreams and an abundance of life, grace will drop nuggets of wisdom onto our path. Here are a few I’ve picked up along the way:

1 G-d wants you to succeed even more than you want to succeed yourself. He designed you for a specific purpose. His handiwork is not faulty. You are capable. Find what it is that He created you to do and do it!

2 To wait is to be bound to that which you desire;

  To doubt is to be separated from it;

  To believe is to be fully persuaded that it will come to pass;

  Therefore, believe and wait!

3 Jesus did not just endure to the cross. He endured to the Resurrection!

4 One reason for obtaining so few of G-d’s promises? Bondage to a passive spirit. Passivity arrests our desire. We must defeat the illusion that our current condition is our permanent condition. Just as those who have gone before us and ‘who by faith conquered kingdoms, performed acts of righteousness, and obtained promises,’ we too can be more than conquerors through our Lord Jesus, Master of Legions!

5 You think that if you have enough faith then G-d will release His power, His grace. But if His power is dependent upon your faith, then it’s not grace. It becomes wages that are due to you. Cease from your ‘work of faith’ and rest in G-d’s grace. His favor is free!

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary. 

Gal 6:9

Roadmap to Desire

 

On the journey to our destination‒that place we desire‒we are given a roadmap to follow. Daddy G-D may know where we are going, but as mature drivers now, we need directions to a place we have never been. The roadmap is found within the pages of the Holy Bible. Just as we need to learn to read a regular roadmap, we need to learn how to read the roadmap found within the Bible. Daddy G-D is willing to teach us. He has recently showed me some directions to receiving His promises!

 

The first step is realizing that the desire within our hearts comes from Him. He created each of us with different likes and interests. Some desires are common, such as good health, economic well-being, and healthy relationships, but individual interests were put there by Him too. What do you desire? What do you hope to receive? Hope is the mental image within that we are looking for in the future.

 

Secondly, take this mental picture and write it down in detail. Get a clear picture of what you desire. Be specific. Maybe even collect pictures of your destination. Remember, you cannot have somebody else’s spouse, home, or stuff. Have an original image. Be creative!

 

The next step is just that‒take a step! This is the place where faith comes onto the scene. You see, you have to cross a bridge from where you are to where you are going. Faith is the underlying support columns that the road to your destiny rests upon. Faith is having confidence that since Daddy G-D directed you to this place, He will help you arrive at your destination by His grace.

 

This step forward gets you closer to your destination‒your desire‒your mental image that you are expecting to appear, but the miraculous thing about faith is that it causes acceleration! Not only are you moving closer to your desire, but your desire is also moving closer to you! Your mental image that you are expecting to see (hope), as you have confidence in the goodness of Daddy G-D (faith), runs forward calling out to your desire, “Come!” The vehicle to get you there (grace) has been provided by Daddy G-D (love). Get an image of that! We sit in grace moving forward in hope supported by faith all because Daddy G-D loves us!

 

Not only this, but Daddy G-D has sent helpers that when they hear this calling out of your destination, will provide all that is needed for you to arrive: food and lodging, road and vehicle repairs, protection. Whatever you need. ALL your needs will be met because Daddy G-D loves you and desires for you to reach your destination.

 

The final step? Be patient. This is the hardest part since, at times, the road to our desire is a long one. Your desire has a set time when you will arrive. You have an appointment. All you have to do is show up.

 

The image in your heart speaks of the end result. It is breathing, panting, longing in that direction, and will not be in vain if only you hold onto it. If you have delays on your journey, be patient. Wait for it! Be like a bulldog on a bone, never letting go, because it will come. Remember, that as you take steps of faith, your desire is also taking steps closer to you! Your vision isn’t dawdling. It isn’t lagging behind for no reason. Call to it. Breathe upon it. The two of you will meet. You will arrive at your destination by Daddy G-D’s grace!

 

The Lord replied: “Write down the revelation and make it plain on tablets so that a herald may run with it. For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false. Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay. Hab 2:2-3

 



The Highway Called Peace

Life’s journeys throw a lot of road blocks, detours through unknown territory, and delays onto our paths, but the highway called Peace will lead us to our destiny.

 

Sometimes we believe we are old enough to drive, and maybe we are if we have our learner’s permit, but remember, a permit requires that an adult be seated in the front seat next to you. The best teacher is Dad--Daddy G-D that is. No disrespect to Mom. She knows how to drive, but tends to let her emotions get involved. There is just something about the silent strength of a father, or even a big brother. They tend to sit back and let you find your way, occasionally giving instruction as they see fit. Whereas Mom tends to give a moment by moment tutorage.

 

It is the same in life. Daddy G-D, or big brother Jesus, is there with us, quietly sitting back, and giving instructions as needed. You can feel His strength even when He is silent. Somehow you know everything will be alright so long as He is with you.

 

There may be a roadblock up ahead, but that is okay. All we have to do is take the detour. The detour may be slow due to the narrow winding lanes and multiple stop lights, but if we keep going, we will get to our destination.

 

Sometimes that detour we take is called Wicked Lane. We don’t like it because it is twisted, dark, and scary. It wasn’t on the original road plan because Daddy G-D’s way is straight, but He knew the evil one was going to cause a road block, and that we were going to pass through Wicked Lane as a test of our driving skills.

Daddy G-D at that time encourages us to keep driving, and don’t look around at the scenery, but keep our eyes looking forward. Eventually we will get back to the highway called Peace and continue on our journey.

 

We continue to rejoice even when we're hemmed in with troubles, because we know how troubles can develop perseverance in us, and how that perseverance in turn gorges the tempered steel of character, keeping us alert for whatever Daddy G-D will do next. In alert expectancy such as this, we're never left feeling shortchanged. Quite the contrary--we can’t round up enough containers to hold everything Daddy G-D generously pours into our lives through His Spirit! (Ro 5:3-5)

 

This is Daddy G-D’s grace leading us by His peace to our destination.



Today was a bumpy ride!

Wow! That was one bumpy ride! Sometimes we just have to trust that Daddy G-D knows what He's doing. The stretch of road that we were on today had a lot of pot holes and curves. Also, driving in the dark makes it harder to see where we are going, but Daddy G-D knew what was up ahead and He was totally capable of getting us to our destination safely.

 

 

All we had to do was trust in His grace and His love for us. We didn't even have to try to figure things out either, because He was the One driving the car. Oh to grow in confidence to trust Him so that we can lay our heads back and sleep for awhile...to rest in His grace and love.
Did you have trouble trusting in Daddy G-D? No? You seemed a lot more relaxed than I felt! Thankfully we didn't have to go through this alone. We had each other so that when my confidence wavered, you were there to strengthen me, and next time, if you get scared, I can help you. Eventually we'll get to our destination, but until then, there's grace to keep us on the journey!

 

How does this grace work? It doesn’t ‘work.’ Grace is totally dependant upon G-d’s love and mercy towards us. We do not deserve it. We can not earn it. That is why it is called grace. As we get to know more about our Heavenly Father by spending time with Him, we begin to know that His character is love and faithfulness. It is that simple. We stop depending on ourselves to fix problems that we do not have the ability to fix in the first place. They are totally out of our control. We depend on G-d’s love for us. He tells us in His Word that His plans for us are wholeness and not destruction. We trust in His Word. This trust grows just like in any relationship as we spend time with Him and get to know Him. Invite Daddy G-d to join you on your journey through life. Get to know Him in order that you may trust Him. His grace is already there for you.

My First Blog! pt 2

Well, that was a much needed stop. Feel better? Yeh, me too, but you know, I’m getting hungry. Do you want to find a place for lunch? How about Chick-fil-A drive thru?…

Thanks Daddy G-D for lunch! We’ll eat when we get to our 1^st stop. Hey, look. There’s another vagrant on the corner. Don’t they know that panhandling is now illegal? “My grace is sufficient for them too,” replies Daddy G-D. Hmm, and it’s a young woman. I wonder what happened to her that she’s now out on the streets. Don’t stare! ~Awkward~

Uh, now I’m just going to think about her while eating my lunch. How about you? Yeh, it won’t taste so good now. Should we give her our lunch? Her sign says she’s hungry. Let’s do it! Call her over and roll down the window.

“Thank you ma’am and G-D bless you,” she says as she lays a hand on her stomach at the sight of food. As we drive away, gratitude washes over me as I realize that Daddy G-D’s grace really is sufficient for all of us. I am thankful that I’ve never gone hungry because I simply didn’t have food. He provides us our daily food.

This really did happen to me today as I was rushing from one appointment to another. It’s true that I didn’t get my lunch today, but the joy in knowing that I played a part in G-D’s grace today for that young woman met my appetite. On today’s journey, grace manifested as love in action.

My First Blog!

Hi, and welcome to my first blog!

Grace is my passion, my middle name, and where I dwell with G-D. I want to take you along on my journey of grace...the beauty of it, the long stretches of seemingly endless road, the pot holes, the road constructions, and the detours. Don't worry, we will get to our destination, and it's going to be the best trip of our lives!

 

So what is grace? It is beauty. It is style. It is poise. It is also mercy in the midst of pain and ugliness. Grace is our Creator’s endowment upon us to walk humbly and to walk with strength.

 

Our journey of grace is long and takes determination to get to our destination, but don’t worry. Daddy G-D will be with us along the way. In fact, He’s the One driving the car. He checked to see if we’ve fastened our seat belts, He filled the tank with gas, and He doesn’t even need a map because He’s been there before. He’s a good Daddy who welcomes our friends to join us on the journey, because He knows we’ll have a great time once we get there.

 

I see a rest stop up ahead…Dad can we pull over? We'll continue on the journey in a moment...